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PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2005 11:01 pm 
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Teyruil, your journal is well-imagined and full of wonderful detail. You have a real gift for storytelling. Hope we get the chance to RP together sometime!

An edit, because I realize how totally useless the above comment was. And I call myself a writer! I should know better than to give that sort of feedback.

In particular, I loved the way you fleshed out the world and made it seem real and dynamic - flowers blooming after a desert rainstorm. Little character details, like the person sprinting down the road after being given directions, without being told how *far* it was.

Just the little things like that. Keep it up. :-)


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:12 pm 
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Woo hoo! A new journal! Go Metrione!

Good stuff. I love the bit with the water splashing onto the page, and I'm actually learning a bit about gender roles that I didn't know about the Night Elves... nice going!

Whether Met ends up being part of the NE saga or not, please play him! Galathis would so want to be friends with this guy :D


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:14 pm 
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Thanks :)

I intend to play him. I am starting to like him.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:15 pm 
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Whoops! Didn't mean to reply to this OOC thread IC. lol

Thanks! :)

I intend to play him. I'm starting to like Metrione.

:wink:


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 9:07 pm 
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please look for my *teaser* coming soon on Iktomi Seirvev in this Journals/Letters section.

Thanks!
d.t.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:46 am 
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I'll say again... I am SO glad to see someone posting in this section besides my 1000 alts! Please keep it up, you guys! Thank heavens we found you!


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 6:24 am 
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Wow, bro, your entry has me on the edge of my seat! I want to know what happens next; you chose a very unique perspective to write a 'wanted poster' from the Forsaken's point of view. I'm impressed. I'm just glad I get to show your RP abilities off to everybody now :P It's about time you visited these boards!


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:07 pm 
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thanks bro!

You give me too much credit though. I guess I'm a bit more modest when it comes to these "RP" abilities you say I have. I just like to immerse myself in the character or plot at the time and let the story itself become the driving influence of what I do. Its not too fancy. :)

p.s. coming soon I will be posting again in this journals section about Iktomi! keep an eye out for it reveals something very interesting about this young night elf!

Thanks again!
d.t.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:35 pm 
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Iktomi/darktalon, very interesting post. The perspective is excellent, though if I might ask, why in a bottle? Just wondering what your motivation is behind it, if I am allowed to ask such things. Once again, interesting and excellent post.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 7:09 pm 
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Icefire: Awk! How sad! I love the image though of a dwarf standing and gawking at a beautiful woman, with his mouth hanging open and a comb stuck in his beard. Sad tales always hit you harder if there's a little humor thrown in, don't they? It's like, laughter opens you up so the sad part can get in where it really hurts. :(

Gonna read Pony's a bit later when my head's clearer - since it's kinda long I don't want to rush through it.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 2:43 am 
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Hey Ponyboy,

I am stunned that you caught the bottle thing. *smirks slyly*

its actually important to the storyline. roll it over in the gears of your mind..why was it there? and why a distant shore?

unfortunately I've said too much and can't reveal why cause it would kind of spoil it but I assure you additional "hints" will be seen in upcoming posts.

good eye..sheesh :P

d.t.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 2:57 am 
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Ah...

After thinking it over, that makes perfect sense, marvelous job with that, well thought out as well.

And to pay attention to the minor details of any story often reveals things later down the road, I am one who always reads it to the very last syllable. :wink:


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 11:40 am 
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Icefire - Wow, wow wow. Wonderful piece of writing my friend. Your words gave no indication of what was really going on until the revealing ending, and that was like a slap in the face. It really moved me. Perhaps there will be more where that came from? Awesome!


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 3:55 pm 
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Hey there Pony!

Finally read your journal, and I'm glad to see you addressing some of the "gray areas" in the WoW universe. While I always get annoyed at people who try to pretend that racial tensions don't exist, it seems your character's ambiguity about the orcs and Tauren is actually based in in-game logic... these fellows used to be our allies, and furthermore, they fight with courage and honor, not at all dissimilar to a dwarven warrior. So your character shows a great deal of sensitivity in thinking of these things.

I don't mind your writing a bit in the "dialect" of the character, it was in his "voice" so to speak, and it adds flavor. I don't think you went too far with it. The only stylistic suggestion I'd make would be for you to break up your sentences a bit more... you have the same tendency I do, which is to string many many thoughts together into one sentence. I've had to do a lot of work to learn to use periods. Long sentences tend to slow the reader down, and in a long piece it can be especially discouraging.

There were also a couple of spelling errors, which normally I don't even notice among an RP crowd, but in the midst of something so articulate and descriptive they did stand out a bit more. ;)

You have an amazing eye for detail, which as you can tell is a big thing with me. I loved the image of the rabbits darting over the snow at the beginning, and I could really visualize Guomundr, both physically and emotionally - and not just because I've seen him online! I think you've got the makings of a pro fiction writer if you keep this sort of thing up. I look forward to seeing more from you.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 7:29 pm 
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Thanks Bun... I think that you will see more of Zirakar's story come out sooon. I've become attached to the confessional-style with Zirakar... he's an interesing old coot...


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